“”World, YOU WILL NEVER KNOW THE PAIN OF LOSING YOUR KID! It’s like the universe Pushed RESET on your life and you didn’t see it coming. Then you have to figure out EVERY SINGLE FREAKING DAY, how to navigate around, not a glitch, BUT A GAPING HOLE, in your matrix. Then when you make progress, you fall asleep. Then you wake, and your waking thought is your children, so the stabbing ensues, when you RE-REMEMBER Your Loss!! EVERY MORNING, YOU RE-REMEMBER!!
So we seem a little crazy, a little introverted, a little forgetful, a little uncaring? NO DUH, SHERLOCK!!!!
Take the worst moment of your life and plant it into the first 5 minutes, of every single day and see how rosy your disposition will be?? I assure you,whatever your worst moment is, I’D TRADE YOU IN A HEARTBEAT, BECAUSE IT WON’T TOUCH, OUTLIVING YOUR KID!! It just isn’t natural. I go to the grocery store, 2 1/2 years later, I still have to tell myself it’s ok to buy onions. Chelsea was allergic. Sometimes or better yet I STILL HAVEN’T PURCHASED ONIONS, It’s like me and her running joke.
THE INSANITY, created by the morning Re-Remembering, then scrambling to FIND SANITY AND STRENGTH, after that traumatic morning simulation, that snatches you back, to that phone call, to that screaming, to that deafness and colorblindness, all within those first 60 seconds, of EVERY MORNING!! Do me a favor, Non-Grieving Parents & Grandparents. Write on a post it note that YOUR KID/GRANDKID IS DEAD. PUT THEIR NAME on that sticky note and place an ‘X’ THROUGH IT. Now, PLACE IT BY YOUR BED and EVERY MORNING, WAKE AND SEE IT first thing and then Re-remember that that is OUR reality, NOT YOURS!!
Kiss your kids AND STOP JUDGING GRIEVING PARENTS! The insanity breaks you. Something broke. The Zombie life, which that’s all you are, after your kid dies! You become skin, that looks familiar. You will never eat the same, drink the same, sleep the same. Zombie Life it is. You put make up on it and smile, TO MAKE THOSE AROUND YOU COMFORTABLE. THERE YOU HAVE IT. The secret is out. WE NEVER GET BETTER. WE APPEAR TO BE BETTER, SO YOU CAN STOP AVOIDING US!! We smile, for you, to be let off the hook. We socialize so you don’t have to come up, with the right words.
NEWSFLASH, THERE ARE NO RIGHT WORDS. The absolute best one-liner is ‘I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO SAY’ and then HUSH. But hey, we Rock at the Zombie Life, until we don’t! Like My Friend, Melissa Foy, that killed herself 11 months after Her Son went to Heaven!
All I know is, you die with your kid!! Period. Everything else is work and sheer movement, that you have to, choose for your other kids, or Family, because all of the AUTOMATIC APPARATUSES OF LIFE broke THAT day. Be Lucky it’s our walk, not Yours. Go on about your day, feeling Lucky that your kids can be touched.
I’ll continue to work EVERYDAY, making sure OUR Angels & My CHELSEA, are not Forgotten! I will never stop trying to make the world kinder for us heartbroken ones, by educating them, on our vantage point.The world became so unkind when this mountain dropped on us. Some bailed, stopped talked about our Angels, and even judged us, but didn’t extend a hand. WHAT THE HECK?? DID YOU THINK WE KNEW HOW TO BE HERE??? DID YOU THINK WE HAD A MANUAL?? I’ve written one now. 100 Pages of Power, Hope, Coping & AIR=”My FIRST CHRISTMAS” Funny, Non-Grievers, you should read it. There is an entire chapter called “New Normal for Family & Friends” just for YOU, that alleviates all guesswork. It will equip you with genuine SUPPORT tools and reduce your consolation attempts from producing added injuring to our DEVESTATED JOURNEY. Get Your Copy, Today at http://www.amazon.com/dp/1508492859 (Proceeds Support Anti-Bullying & Suicide Prevention) (or reach out to me for Autographed copies) World, You didn’t have to be in our shoes, to help us stand, in the devastating ones, we got laced in!!! Keep reading, Grieving parents. This book will get you to your feet, so that, just because we bury our babies, the World does not get to bury their memories too!! Non-Grievers, keep reading so that you can replace judgement with understanding and educate yourself on how to provide a better network of support, as one day, you never know, you may have to walk in these very shoes!! “— from the LIFE-CHANGING Book, “My FIRST CHRISTMAS” by Cathie Gray