I’ll give you a simple answer first. 1) Losing a child or grandchild is INORGANIC. It goes against the circle of life and the natural DNA cycle and strips ‘the older outliving the younger’ of their natural bearings. Period. 2) A parent or grandparent doesn’t just lose a kid one day one year. They lose their entire future and all that they envisioned it to be. The weddings they won’t plan, the grandchildren & great-grandchildren that won’t be born, and the discontinuance of their legacy is only a part of it. 3) Triggers. All of the setbacks, reminders, and special occassions that society continues to celebrate, while a huge hole in their family unit still exists. All of their holidays are now HOLLOW-days!!
People unfairly and while being uneducated in the effects of complicated grief, tries to compare child loss to every other loss and they are just not equal in any capacity. It’s like my Grief Tip #5 where I try to educate the world on this unequivocal comparison:
I also feel the need to arm survivors of child loss,with a quick rebuttal in Grief Tip#2, when these insensitive unequivocal comparisons are made. By simply saying “Let’s Switch” these words will quickly jolt the speaker into switching vantage points, with hopes of shocking the speaker into considering their ridiculosness, in the minimizing of the agony & devastation of child Loss. NOTHING COMPARES!!
**GRIEF TIP #5 ** (see other Grief Tips on our page)
“What if the person you are attempting to comfort, said to you that they lost their kid in a car crash that involved a drunk driver? When you tried to comfort them, you immediately replied ‘I know how you feel’ followed by, sharing that your neighbor’s cousin, lost her kid in a car crash involving a drunk driver too. Did you just attempt to comfort them, saying ‘I know how you feel’ and followed, with THAT story? Did you think that was comforting? Allow me to educate you as we review the facts.
Did you lose sleep when your neighbor’s cousin’s loss occurred? Were you incapable of digesting food, after learning of that death? Did you cry so hard, that you actually lost your vision? Did you lose your will to live? Did you entertain wanting to end your OWN life, when your neighbor’s cousin’s kid died? NO. You did not. That is not what YOU felt, AT ALL. So YOU are NOT feeling, AT ALL, what the person you are attempting to comfort is feeling. All that you just did, in your efforts to minimize her pain, was told this devastated, crushed, suicidal mother OF A DEAD PERSON YOU KNOW. You told her of another departed individual that made you feel absolutely NONE of what SHE IS FEELING. You only shared your familiarity, of a story which has infinitesimal similarities, of what her melted heart, was barely able to mouth to you, while she was seeking some relief, from her situation. Can you see that now?
You told a story. She is telling her life. Don’t put your story up against her real life horror and sorrow. Does that make sense to you now? “
Excerpt from chapter 3 ‘New Normal for Friends & Family’ from the Grief-Busting book, “My FIRST CHRISTMAS” (Order here: http://www.createspace.com/5068128 ) (You can see the rave reviews of other grieving parents at http://www.amazon.com/dp/1508492859 but for fastest delivery , order at http://www.createspace.com/5068128 )or Get your autographed powerful 100 page copy today, by completing contact form with your mailing address) It contains all the ANSWERS you need while your bearings are lost! Reach out, Get YOUR COPY ON IT’S WAY TODAY!!
GRIEF TIP #2 (see other GRIEF TIPS on our page)
I want to encourage all of the GRIEVING ONES, to start using these 2 magical words. You are already barely functional, due to all of your bearings being lost. Then along comes an “Outsider”. In the GRIEF world, you should feel lucky that you are called this. ‘Outsiders’ some times say things that result, in added injuring, to the Grieving Ones. Most times, we,’THE GRIEF-STRICKEN’, lack the strength to even inflate our own lungs. We most certainly are not equipped for the added element, of having to defend ourselves against this unsolicited, hurtful, unwanted rhetoric. ‘Outsiders,’ was that your intention?
*NEWSFLASH*: If it hurts more AFTER you speak, intentions are irrelevant. The outcome will be injuring to the previously DEVASTATED. Are you sick of the sad ones kicking, screaming, and talking about their ANGEL? All the while you are holding yours, in your arms?? Here, to the GRIEVING ONES, I ask, do you want to know the quickest way, in the world, to stop this added hurt from continuing?? Say the words LET’S SWITCH and walk away!!
(This is all taken from the GRIEF-BUSTING book, “My FIRST CHRISTMAS” by Cathie Gray. GET YOUR COPY TODAY at http://www.createspace.com/5068128 (Read what other parents are saying http://www.amazon.com/dp/1508492859 but for fastest delivery, order at http://www.createspace.com/5068128 ) This is not MY story, It is all of OUR story. This ‘help to healing’ manual will move your entire family’s grief mountain IMMENSELY!! Be sure to FOLLOW this blog. There is STRENGTH in NUMBERS. (Reach out on FB facebook.com/cat.gray.710 or complete contact form for your AUTOGRAPHED copy!! )
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